Tennant style Synopsises
by Tai Greywing
Summary: Summaries of the 10th Doctor series and how they narrowly avoid getting blown up. I've been told that my humour is strange and twisted, so be warned. Nevertheless, worth a read. Spoilers for the whole new series. Obviously.
1. I'm a MAN!

_A/N Yes, I've started writing the sequel, despite the fact I haven't quite finished the first one. Never mind._

_Disclaimer: I said it enough before, but I don't own Doctor Who, or David Tennent (damn!). Ask the BBC._

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**1 – 'I'm a MAN!'**

We open with our new Tennent-style Doctor mooching around his

'Troublesome Alien Requires Ditzy Intern Side-kick' _((Thank you to ShirleyAnn for this one!))_, he's obviously quite impatiently waiting for Rose to hurry up and finish saying her goodbyes. It's the equivalent of a taxi honking its horn loudly to try and get you to hurry up, 'cept he really will leave without her if she doesn't _hurry_ _up_. Hint hint Rose, take the damned hint. But no, she takes very little notice of the Doctor's warnings, even less of mine and pauses to give Mickey-the-Idiot a goodbye kiss. …But hasn't Mickey got another girlfriend? Apparently Rose has forgotten and Mickey's not about to remind her.

Anyway, Rose is fully in 'intrepid explorer' mode, as evidenced by the massive camping rucksack and our Time vampire has already picked the destination, so they're off. For _the_ first time since acquiring Rose, the BBC decides to show us a different planet other then the Earth (in various time periods) or space stations above the surface of the Earth. Cue viewers keeling over in shock.

After collecting the Doc's coat (which I reckon was the closest he could reasonably get to a dashing, heroic cape. Well, it certainly flaps around like one) they step out of the

'Trouble Always (finds) Rose (and the) Doctor In Some (explosions) _((This one comes from Briar Elwood, thanks loads))_ onto the planet of 'New Earth'….imaginative name, really. And that is the city of New New York. You can tell they were really stretching their brains to come up with that one. However, their presence has not gone unnoticed and somebody's getting suspicious.

Oh look at that, one of the props from the last series has escaped – that spider-thing will look exceedingly familiar. Weren't they responsible for nearly getting the previous incarnation of the Doctor blown up? But then again, that really doesn't narrow it down as that description pretty much covers everything from the last series…

Given the hint of the spider-droid, viewers might recognise the voice directing it. If you do, you might just think '_Y'wot? How? But-? Supposed to be dead!_'…and that's pretty much the reaction Rose has later, when she meets -…err…the controller.

However right now, Rose wants to go to the city and do some sight-seeing. But, unfortunately the Doctor's inbuilt 'I'm-about-to-have-to-save-the-world-again' radar is going off. So he drags her off to the local hospital.

**_T_**rouble-on-legs explains he has a mild case of Nosocomephobia and Rose laughs that 'the Doctor' doesn't like hospitals. And what is it with him and his 'Shop'? Won't let go of an idea, will he?

Anyway, they take separate lifts, because …they just do, and our Timelord 'forgets' to warn Rose about the fact that the lifts have a nasty tendency to spray water at people they don't like. Which is everyone. So Rose gets a shock while the Doctor enjoys his impromptu shower. With all his clothes on. They've invented teleportation but this is the most efficient method they have for disinfecting someone? Something seems a little backwards here…

Up in Ward 26, only one member of the duo has made it intact and he's busy talking to all of the cats. No, really, they _are_ cats. But then he spots someone familiar, and it appears that almost all of the characters for this episode (okay, okay, three of them) have been lifted straight from 'End of the World' from the last series.

In the mean time Rose has gone and gotten herself in trouble again with the return of the bitchy trampoline and also Random-disposable-doodle-dude-with-the-edible-name, who has …an obsession…with the trampoline that borders on the really, really, _really_ creepy. Rose agrees with me and backs up towards the exit. Not quick enough though and…she's not exactly Rose anymore. After discovering that she's not quite so flat now she hurries off to allay our alien's worries.

For some, as yet, unexplained reason our vampire is prowling around the ward with his glasses on _((My theory on this is that he thinks the glasses make him look intelligent, so whenever he needs a bit more respect, he puts the glasses on))_. Cassandra-Rose stares at him and thinks _'That's not the Doctor, he looks totally different, he's got **glasses**, he's just a random…hunk'_ without any further ado, she pounces on him. And, I swear, once she stops kissing him and lets him go he makes the funniest noise ever: he tries to talk and he _squeaks_.

Oh well, once he's capable of moving by himself again he follows Cassandra-Rose, who's displaying a suspicious knowledge of technology. Inside the 'intensive care' Last Timelord explains this week's major problem which he has to fix. Lots of sick people. Well, this _is_ a hospital y'know.

Being a 900 plus year-old time-travelling alien means that he really is quite observant and so knows that Rose isn't actually Rose. Huh? Well, if that's him being calm I don't believe I want to see him miffed. Cassandra-Rose shakes her head at his temper, taps him on the shoulder and sprays holy water right into his face. Our vamperic hero goes "Ack!" and faints on the spot. Ahhh, the perils of being a vampire.

He slowly wakes up in a stand-up crypt. Or at least, it _will_ be his crypt if he doesn't get out of there, pronto.

Cassandra being Cassandra (even if she looks like Rose), she tries to blackmail the cats into giving her money. She still hasn't changed her objective, nice to see a villain stick to their guns for once. But since _that_ doesn't work she switches to 'Plan B' and releases a whole row of killer zombies. And also **_T_**rouble incidentally, making this one situation that he got out of without doing anything. Remind me how releasing a load of deadly people will help your evil plan, Cassandra? Oh? You don't know either? Uh oh…

The random-pieces-of-flesh-people are actually a bit cleverer then Cassandra-Rose gave them credit for and they manage to free _all_ of the rest of them. But that's ok, they'll be grateful to Cassandra-Rose for freeing them, won't they? Err…_won't_ they? Maybe they are, but one touch and you die. Ah, not so good then. I believe that now the best plan would be a strategic withdrawal. The Doctor agrees with me: "**RUN!**" he yells.

Back to Cassandra's basement room where she decides (after some shouting) that she's gotten bored of the 'bouncy castle' and opts to test-drive the vampire. All very well and good. The only problem with this is when the Random-disease-flesh-people break in. This is because **_T_**rouble-on-legs is sealed within his mind and any save-the-world information he might have…well, he's not sharing.

Later, stuck on a ladder only metres away from disease, our alien and Rose play a game of Cassandra-tennis.

Back to Ward 26 (Whatever else they're doing in this episode, you can't deny that they're getting a lot of exercise. Bearing in mind that Cassandra's room is in the basement and Ward 26 is up quite a bit and that they go between them at least twice. Yeah, exercise) where the Doc's finally had an episode-saving idea. After collecting all of the pretty-coloured bags of cures he manages to persuade Cassandra-Rose to let him give her a piggy-back ride down the lift shaft.

Just a point, but sliding down that fast would give him SERIOUS rope burn on the inside of his trouser legs. They'd probably catch fire actually…which prompts the question: what are they really made of to avoid combusting?

Not to pick holes in this, but another point: intravenous solutions are supposed to be administered into the blood by drip-feeding NOT by skin contact. It wouldn't work. Unless…the combination of the cures did something…possible, this _IS_ the Doctor after all.

Oh well, our Timelord doesn't listen to me and takes another shower while saving the day. For once he's lived up to the title of 'Doctor': he's in a hospital and he's just cured a load of patients.

Which puts him in mind of the face-in-a-jar. '_It's said he'll talk to a wanderer, …to the man without a home…the lonely god…'_ as if he needed something else to make him think he's all-powerful, they're now telling him that he really _is_ a god. But the Face doesn't want to talk today, save for their last meeting. The Doc pouts a bit at this, but forgets it as the jar, face included teleports off.

Now, what to do about the fact that Cassandra's still inside Rose? Simple. Shove her into her Devoted-disposable-doodle-dude (try saying that 5 times fast). Who then dies. Oh. So she's dead again. For real this time? We can only hope.

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Summary of the Synopsis: The NewNew Doctor proves he's as trouble-friendly as the last edition, as he saves the New Earth and nearly dies (several times) in the process.

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_If you have any of your own TARDIS acronyms and want to share please, please tell me! Even if you don't, I would love a review. Hint._

_Nosocomephobia is the real word (I hope) for the fear of hospitals._

_Next time, when I type it (hopefully less then a week, no promises): The Doctor meets a fellow creature of the night……oh yeah, and there's a werewolf._

_Tai_


	2. Sir Doctor of TARDIS

_I'm back! Okay, I lied, it is an entire week later, but I am here. Thank you greatly for all reviews received! Would've been up on Friday, but something was wrong with the site and it was refusing to let me log in._

_In case you were wondering why I keep referring to David Tennant / the Doctor as a vampire, please go and read 'The Christmas Diversion' (go to my profile). In it I offer more evidence to support my theory. And unless he offers conclusive proof otherwise – i.e. States clearly 'I AM **NOT **A VAMPIRE!' I will go on believing that he is. Or at least that the Doctor is one now._

_Disclaimer: Last time I said I don't own Doctor Who or David Tennent. This is entirely correct. I also don't own David TennAnt. But I do apologise for the constant spelling mistake._

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**2 – 'Sir Doctor of TARDIS'**

'_Trouble And Radioactive Doom Inside Ship' ((Thanks to Clarinut for this!))_

On a random windswept moor we have a random windswept procession of monks. Or they might be lepers. Or, taking a cue from the last series, they might even be robots. But for the sake of convenience I shall call them monkeys. The Doctor does.

But anyway, these monkeys arrive at their destination: the suspiciously-titled Torchwood House. I'm thinking it's the 'Bad Wolf' of this series. The monkeys' request is laughed at and they take offence…by transforming into Buddhist Warrior Monks _((honestly, bright orange robes. They'll never see that coming…))_. They then proceed to pull off some very Matrix-esque moves (with the help of a slow-mo camera) while kicking the stuffing out of all their opposition. And then the monkeys take over the house, locking all non-essential personnel in the basement. Apart from the one with the slight shred of intelligence who ran and hid.

But they think they've gotten everyone because they're secure in the knowledge that they're all-powerful (even though they're not. But don't bruise their egos by telling them so). Afterwards, they unveil their Ultra-mega-wow-superweapon-that-will-guarentee-the-success-of-their-Evil-Plan-unless-of-course-the-Doctor-makes-an-appearance-type-monster-…-thing. Funnily enough, for once the leader of the bad guys seems to know he's in the wrong. It's not going to stop him, but at least he knows. Random-Lady-of-the-house shrieks at it but the camera cuts to the credits before we're allowed to see _what_ she's shrieking at.

Last Timelord is rockin' out in the

'Totally Awesome (but) Retarded (and) Dead Impressive Spaceship' _((My thanks to Luna Lovegood5. Thank you for all of your reviews!))_ to a hit from 1979 and Rsoe suggests they go there so that she can see him in full 'punk' mode.

This time he wasn't even _vaguely_ close, a full century off-target. Appalling. He needs to learn to drive. Maybe we can attribute this landing to his …'percussive' method of steering: (Hit it to go left. Hit it a bit harder to go right. _(You don't want to know how to make it jump time)_). Anyway, they walk out and the Doctor's hands are automatically up even before all the guards have finished pointing their weapons at him. Methinks he's been in this situation too much, if that's the way he instinctively reacts – hands up, look innocent: 'Whatever it was, I didn't do it,'

For some reason, our alien actually wants to have a proper alias this time and so picks the name of one of his previous companions.

After concocting an obviously fake story in an obviously genuine accent (it's the voice that counts), Dr James and his… naked 'timorous beastie' are called into the royal presence. Queen Vic takes one look at the blank piece of paper and immediately says that it states he's her Knight in Shining Armour. **_T_**rouble looks bemused as he studies the _very_ blank paper before saying:

"Err…yes? Of course it does?" the queen grins encouragingly at him.

"You catch on quick," she compliments "Now, where's your Shining Armour?"

"Umm…got dirty?" he tries. She scowls: a knight _((No, sorry: a Knight))_ who let his armour get dirty? Second-rate!

Anyhue, they arrive at the Spooky Manor house after Rose makes a bet that she's going to spend the rest of the episode making a fool of herself. No... wait, that was _my_ bet after hearing hers. Random-disposable-dude-of-the-house greets them and tries to hint quite subtly that all is not as it seems. The only person to pick up on this is the vampire _(it's overcast, okay? That's why he's out in daylight)_ and he's just waiting for an adventure so doesn't say anything at this point.

An extremely suspicious object is also brought inside under heavy guard, but we're not allowed to know what it is. Yet. It is, of course, quite obviously the key-important artefact without which the Doctor's eventual plan to save their skins wouldn't work, but we don't know what it _is_.

The werewolf hastily brings a finger to his lips and shushes me before I reveal too much of the plot.

On the obligatory tour of the building (clearly designed so they know where they're supposed to be running to later when they're in a life-threatening situation. Just so they don't run into a dead end) the Timelord inspects the telescope. The one that is equally obviously going to be making an appearance later on.

All the guards stupidly fall for the 'Take a drink to restore your strength. What's that? Hee hee, oops, it must be drugged, you should've seen that one coming. Call yourselves royal guards? Pathetic!' strategy. At the same time Rose decides that nakedness will give her much more freedom to run up and down the corridors later, once the werewolf inevitably escapes. And then Rose discovers Random-servant-with-a-slight-shred-of-intelligence. If she had more then just a slight shred, she would have known to stay in the cupboard and let Rose go out alone. But no, they both get captured.

Up in the dining room, under protest, Random-traitor-lord-dude tells them a story.

Underground, Rose uses her tried and tested method for approaching alien species: "Hello?". Very original, Rose. But soon the villain can't wait to reveal his plan of world domination ahead of schedule and Rose is convinced that she's found a bad guy. Yes dear, most people in cages are there for _reason_.

Traitor-lord-dude continues his tale with much rolling of the eyes and significant jerks of the head. Finally, our alien can't stand it any longer and points out the bad guy in the room. Who's chanting Latin. '_Lupus deus est!_' – 'The wolf is god'…how much more un-subtle could he be? I mean, really?

Before the Doctor can do any worse then yell at him however, he receives a knock on his 'Damn-!-Rose-is-about-to-be-killed-and-I-really-ought-to-go-save-her' sense and runs off.

So much for being Queen V's protector, she's forced to do the dirty work all by herself.

Although, it's just as well he does run off at that point, because he gets down to the basement in time to greet the werewolf as it emerges from the cage.

"Greetings, fellow brother of the night," he says in mind-talk "Swear allegiance to me and you'll receive 20 of the spoils from my rampage!" In reply, the werewolf chucks the cage lid at him. Unsurprisingly our vampire ducks and runs off, yelling over his shoulder "Okay! 50, even split!"

Her majesty has meanwhile shifted herself to save the random box that is somehow important.

Back to **_T_**rouble, who's once again trying to reason with the wolf: "…My, what big teeth you have Grandmamma!" _((Just me, or does anyone else think that he does a very good startled-deer-caught-in-the-headlamps look here?))_ Predictably, the werewolf charges round the corner after him…and gets shot. No silver though.

So everyone retreats upstairs. Apart from those who are too stupid to listen to the Doctor's advice. His eyes gleam at the sight of all the blood but he controls the urge and scarpers.

Cue a rather lengthy chase in which the same pieces of set are used several times. For all we know, they could actually be running up and down the same corridors to confuse the wolf. Or they're lost. Despite the tour earlier.

They make it to the library, where they carefully barricade the door they came in by. Then **_T_**rouble carefully asks if that's the only one in this room. Lord-of-the-house-dude replies that it is, before spotting a wide-open door that he could have sworn was not there a moment ago. Or last week. Or however long he's had this house.

But they're safe for the moment and so Queen Victoria takes the opportunity to have a good rant at Mr. I'm-very-good-at-forgetting-what-my-accent's-supposed-to-be. Who then explains that really I've been calling it the wrong thing: it's not a werewolf, no. It's a (clears throat) Lupine-wavelength Haemovariform! Everyone looks at him with varying expressions of '_Huh?_'. He takes no notice.

For some reason our vampire licks the wall and nearly chokes before realising that it's not coated in garlic and it's the wolf who's allergic to mistletoe and not him. Following this, he feels he needs more respect and dons the Glasses-Of-Looking-Knowledgeable before arming himself with a dangerous weapon: a small-bore heavy automatic…book.

Some time later he finds a clue and Queen Vic reveals the mysterious object to be a diamond. And not just any diamond. The sight of all that shinyness does something to our vampire's brain and he needs to _seriously_ mess up his hair before he can think straight. Just in time too as the wolf drops in to re-negotiate his earlier offer. **_T_**rouble's not listening though as he runs off and tries to find the observatory from before. On the way Traitor-lord-dude gets all noble and sacrifices himself. With a moment taken straight from …_what is it? The bit where he stands there, sword at his side, right before the wolf attacks. Where's that from? Anyone?_

Once in the observatory, Queen V provides their best defence yet…her faith. (No, _not _in the Doctor). And maybe because of that, they get the device working and save the day. 'Cept that now the queen might just be a werewolf. Or her descendents are.

For their actions, our vampire and Naked-Rose are knighted. For enjoying it so much, they're banished. And I think Queen Victoria does an even better impression of an angry lion then the Doctor did before (in 'The Christmas Diversion') as she does a Lion King and snarls: 'Leave this place and _never_ return!'. Despite the fact they've already come back to England…or is it: they already will have come back? Ahh, the confusion of tenses that time-travel causes…

In an obvious attempt at foreshadowing Victoria later threatens the absent Doctor with the whole 'Torchwood project' thing. Personally, I bet that they come back to this time period again while Queen V remembers them. Wonder what she'll do in response to them breaking the banishment?

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Summary of the Synopsis: They (partially) save her majesty, but they _do_ save the world. And get themselves banished in the process.

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_Hmmm? Review? Pretty please? Plus any extra TARDIS acronyms you might happen to think of. I accept sane and not-so-sane answers gladly!_

_Next time : Ricky alerts them to some strange occurrences, and they end up infiltrating a school. Rose is relegated to kitchen staff while the Doc enrols as a teacher (and wears the glasses for all the respect he can get). Some old companions make an appearance too..._

_Tai_


	3. Forget the shooty dog thing!

_Ummm…yeah, I'm late I know. The problem is, this episode just didn't want to get written. I know that's not really an excuse but it's the best one I've got._

_Disclaimer: Yeah, don't own. See the relevant authorities. I.e. Not me._

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**3 – Forget the shooty-dog _thing_**

_('Suggest you engage 'running' mode, Mistress!')_

The episodes always seem to start with the Random-week's-villain doing something clearly evil and dastardly while the other characters remain completely oblivious to it all. And this week is no exception – as the 'random un-miss-able' extra gets eaten. Has she got no friends to miss her? But anyway, the Demon Headmaster has an early lunch.

Then we cut to our friendly alien Timelord realising that applying for a job as a teacher does mean that he might have to, on occasion, teach something. Since when? This is possibly the hardest thing he's ever had to do and he's wearing the Glasses-of-Looking-Knowledgeable for all the respect they can give him. It's not much, especially when he undermines his image by making up a word like 'correctamundo!'. Anyway, he gets slightly suspicious when a random kid can keep up with him in a game of verbal tennis.

He informs Dinner-lady Rose about his misgivings, all the time trying to stop himself from smirking at her doing a menial job. He then eats his very…_yellow_ lunch, obeying the posters on the wall ('Eat more chips!').

But the

'Time (for) Another Ruffle, Doctor Is Sexy' _((Compliments to The Doctor's Tenth Companion, one of my old reviewers. I do know what you mean, his hair just demands to be ruffled up!))_ crew aren't the only ones getting sceptical about the 'super school', Mr. Demon Headmaster is showing an inquisitive journalist around. She has a _very_ familiar name for those of you who have watched the previous serieses. And if you haven't, you'll soon get the idea of who she is.

Rose's superior observation senses pick up something out of the ordinary as a Dinner-lady gets burnt by a highly toxic substance in the kitchen. And then she acknowledges that maybe, just this once, Mickey was reasonably intelligent and did the right thing by calling them in. She has to say it, coz we all know the Doctor won't.

In the staffroom, **_T_**rouble is being told about all the mysterious teacher replacements, all under the same unexplained circumstances. Except for the position he's taken. The physics teacher received a lottery ticket through their door with the winning numbers on. It's almost as if someone from the future sent it deliberately…our vampire shifts guiltily while trying to look as if he's got no idea how _that_ could happen.

…He's not very good at the innocent look is he?

But he's saved from having to try and extract himself from this situation by the Demon Headmaster's entrance, inquisitive journalist in tow. Mr. Last Timelord's jaw drops with an audible 'clunk' and he starts grinning like an idiot. Obviously the journalist is looking for an easy victim who will talk with not much prompting and spill any secrets about the school.

She scans the room for a potential target and spots the still-grinning-stupidly alien. '_Bingo!_' she thinks. Unfortunately for her, (and him) he hasn't been there long enough to learn any juicy gossip. She still catches him off-guard when she asks for his name.

"I'm the D...err…dreadfully new teacher," he improvises "Err…William Yurealeyes…call me Will,"

She frowns to herself as she wanders off "Will Yurealeyes? …Realise what?"

Meanwhile, our alien is still stuck looking after her. He also seems to be searching for a word to describe the situation. He seems to have forgotten his trademark that is 'fantastic'. _Was anyone else trying to make him to say that word by force of willpower alone?_

Later, around about the time that the vampire normally wakes up at (after dark) Miss. 'I'm-sure-I-recognised-Mr.-Smith-from-somewhere' breaks into the school. At exactly the same time the Time Travelling Gang (also known as 3 members of Junior Detectives 2006) enter the building at a lower level. As normal, they do a Mystery Inc. ('Let's split up and search for clues, so that in the event of something being hostile, they can pick us off individually without the others noticing'. …No one has a problem with this? Just me? Okaay…if you find something, scream.

Upstairs, the journalist is failing to get into the evil Headmaster's office. Hearing someone coming (John Smith. But she doesn't know that yet.), she hurries off and enters the first random unlocked room she comes to.

Due to some twist of fate, or the inevitability of the story, or something, the room she goes into contains something scarier then the Demon Headmaster. Lit by a pretty spooky spotlight, the

'Time Always Reveals Discrepancies In Script' _((Credit to Ldyknight for this one, thanks loads!))_ does its best impression of a big, intimidating…1960's police box. Whatever. It works and the journalist runs out as if she's seen a ghost. In a way she has, a ghost from her past.

Behind her is the owner of the blue box, even though he looks quite a bit different to when she last saw him. Nevertheless, she recognises him. But before they can catch up on old times, a 9 year-old's shriek cuts the stillness of the night. Thank you, I thought it had been too long without some action. From the sound of it, it's obviously a young girl being viciously attacked by the school's aliens.

Err…not really, it's just Mickey-the-Idiot and some vacuum-packed rats. Although, they _did_ viciously attack him. The Doctor has zero sympathy for him, and I agree wholeheartedly. There's no place for wimps on this show.

They cautiously open the door to the Headmaster's office and our vampire's eyes light up at all the bats.

"Distant cousins!" he whispers hopefully. The other three drag him away before he does something as fundamentally stupid as waking them all up.

Rose and Useless-Mickey run for their lives while Sarah-Jane follows **_T_**rouble's lead and saunters out leisurely.

Time to meet the tin dog, who's a bit broken right now…no worries, the Doctor can make it all better. Good, coz then the dog can identify this week's villains along with their basic weakness. But no one notices the second part yet. This week's villains…who are, yes, perched on top of the building opposite, not being very inconspicuous. But still, no one notices them.

Last Timelord has a rant at how annoyingly short humans' lives are and that the big problem with forever is long it lasts. He also accidentally reveals the fact that he _is_ a Timelord to the bad guys/bats, who then swoop at the group for no real reason, apart from to include the shot from the trailer.

The next day, only the people who might be useful are allowed into the school. That doesn't include Mickey. And, awfully sorry K9, but could you keep an eye on him? Y'know, make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid.

Our alien confronts Bat Leader on his Evil Plan. For once, the villain has got a teensy bit wiser and can't be persuaded to reveal the Master Plan of Universe Domination (their ambitions gotten bigger) ahead of time. They have a glaring contest across the surface of a swimming pool. Was it just me who thought that the pool was just begging for someone to fall/get pushed in it?

Meanwhile, it's time for the bitch fight of the century. I'm better then you are! I've seen more stuff then you! He left you behind! He _will_ leave you behind! Ghosts! Dinosaurs! Werewolf! Nessie! Really!

Yeah, but then the one they've been talking about walks in and they both crack up at him as if he's got a moustache drawn on his face. …Wait a sec…

These alien-bats _do_ appear to be smarter then your average villain, they've padlocked everything and anything that might give their nemesis a clue as to what they're doing. And the sonic screwdriver takes a backseat as the writers get annoyed with locks meaning nothing to him. Hah, now you know how the rest of the world feels when they can't get into anything.

But hey, it's time to go into the final step of their master plan. Cue a PA announcement of '_Yeah, work harder now! Help us to destroy the universe! Move now!'_ . So all the students, apart from the non-brainwashed one go 'YAY! More school! Destroy the universe, ok!'. What does this say about eating chips? Makes you smarter, but gives you omnicidal tendencies (kill everything!).

The evil green computer program of DOOM starts running and all the kids sit there pretending to be really fast at typing. I could have easily been an extra in this episode! Apart from the fact I live in the wrong place, grumble. Our alien's eyes widen at the screen as he worries that he might be outclassed for once. He's only got control over Time and Space; they're going one step further to control Matter as well.

Noticing that **_T_**rouble's a bit flabbergasted, Demon Headmaster takes this as his cue to enter and play-act the Devil. Meaning: _really _nasty angst moment for the Doctor as he thinks through the whole 'what if I could go back and try again'. No, he has enough delusions without you lot giving him the _power _of a god.

Sarah-Jane realises this and decides it's time for the speech she appears to have memorised too perfectly. Anyone else reckon that's what she kept telling herself after the Doctor left her? But, something gets through to him, it might even have been the 'rule **at my side**' bit. Sounds like there's too many conditions attached to that one.

So, our vampire indulges in a bit of Chair-jitsu, the ancient art of …defending yourself with a handy item of furniture. Then it's time for the amazing strategic withdrawal. Yep, "**RUN!**". Again. So _that's_ why this Doctor wears trainers, he's just being sensible.

Off they go, into the main dining hall, where he encounters yet another damn-I-can't-shift-it door. They're really quite fond of those this episode, aren't they? So, they're cornered and about to be eaten, as soon as they get past the very dangerous chair. I _said_ he was a master of Chair-jitsu. But they're saved by the arrival of someone with a decent weapon. Or, since we don't have one of those; by a tin dog with limited batteries.

Up and down the same corridors as before; maybe the bad guys will get confused? Mickey for once shows a brief spark of intelligence…no, that _was_ actually a brief spark. Of electricity. So the kids make it out of the school and stop conspiring to give control of the universe to the bats.

The tin dog gets a sense of nobility, and we're all convinced he's been around the Doctor too much – he's also become a severe pyromaniac. But yeah, the dog doesn't make it out. But that's okay, he's replaceable; more so then any other companion.

Outside the school for lavish hurrahs and congratulations. Oh yes, and the angsty farewell to K9. But he's not out of the picture just yet.

Annoyingly enough, for both me and Rose, the journalist convinces the Timelord to bring Mickey-the-Idiot along for the ride through Time. Rose even mouths 'No!' at him (she does!), but as he's blind enough to need glasses and he's not wearing them, he doesn't notice. Sarah-Jane insists that you've got to have a Smith along as cannon-fodder. Oh? In that case ok, but only if he goes (in one way or another) next episode.

Say goodbye to the mysterious blue box, you probably won't see it again. I'm personally quite surprised that he left K9 behind as well. I mean, sure, he knows that Sarah-Jane's gotten used to having the dog, but he trusts her to keep him out of inquisitive governmental paws? Apparently so.

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Summary of the Synopsis: They save the universe and nearly get blown up in the process. …Wait a sec, that sounds familiar…The tin dog _does_ get blown up, but that's ok, he gets better. Mickey is a useless idiot, but still somehow squirms his way onto the TARDIS.

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_I don't blame you if you gave up on me. This Doctor just does NOT want to be put down in type. Oh well, here's my best effort. Oh yeah and GET MICKEY OFF THE TARDIS! -- my opinion. Agree, disagree? Tell me!_

_TARDIS acronyms? Review anyway? Please?_

_Tai_


	4. Mr ThickThickThickityThickface from,,,

_A/N I know, I know, running late. No excuse except that I can't really make it funnier then it already is. Damn David Tennant for stealing all the best jokes!_

_Warning: Mickey-bashing below. Didn't mean to, just got carried away._

_Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, it has come to my attention that I own absolutely zilch connected to Doctor Who, apart from all the recent episodes on DVD. Got them, nothing else._

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**4 – You're Mr. Thick-Thick-Thickity Thick-face from Thickland, Thickania**

…**And so's your dad!**

Chaos, screams, an attack by non-humans. Sounds like an average day: pandemonium and confusion caused by the

'Tin And Robotic Dogs Inside Schools' _(I know, that should have gone with the last episode. But oh well, many thanks to salrianna for thinking of it)_ crew. Except that they're not there. Huh? Random-massive-dress-blonde-woman insists that **_T_**rouble's coming. The King can _tell_ that. No, she swears, a guy will come and save the day, he always does.

…So what's he doing 3000 years in the future? Ricky is falling into raptures over the spaceship while Mr. Timelord's more interested in finding the hole in the universe. But someone else's found it first. Miss. Random-innocent-looking-but-actually-quite-creepy-blonde-girl. She's obviously very significant to the plot; the whole episode _is_ named after her. She's also speaking an alien language. Apparently it's French…. like I said, alien.

Mickey-the-Idiot insists that our Timelord's wrong and has made a mistake. Our Timelord just points out that the Idiot wasn't listening before and so, therefore has just proved his idiotic status. As he can only take just so much idiocy before blowing something up, the Doctor promptly scarpers through the revolving fireplace. The one that was nicked straight off the set of Scooby Doo.

He emerges in the dead of the night in someone's bedroom. I _told_ you he was a vampire – creeping into a maiden's bedroom while they're asleep? What else would he be doing there? And I wonder just how many of the viewers would like to wake up in the middle of night to find the Doctor in their bedroom. Any takers? But he's there for a reason: to scare the monster out from underneath the bed.

Although, he's the one who jumps and looks alarmed. He cunningly dodges so that the sharp knife is caught in the mantelpiece (ruining a priceless antique!). At the same time he's carrying on a perfectly normal conversation with Random-innocent-looking-creepy-very-plot-significant-episode-named-girl.

Once the MN (Monster's Nightmare aka Sir Doctor) gets back to the future he freezes the clock-bot.

"Cool! Ice gun!" exclaims the Idiot. **_T_**rouble puts his head in his hands at this new display of idiocy. He then glances over at the very obvious sign which says: 'Fire Extinguishers' in large letters (ok, so there isn't one. But I reckon there ought to have been!).

He puts on the GOLK (Glasses Of Looking Knowledgeable) and promptly falls in love with the overgrown pocket-watch. He wants to pull it apart to see how it works. The robot goes 'Eep! I'd prefer to stay in one piece! And I hate idiots!' and teleports off.

"Damn you, Idiot," snaps the Timelord, aka the-one-always-seems-to-know-what-he's-doing-when-really-he's-just-winging-it. "_Don't_ go looking for it!"

But, of course, he's forgotten that the one sure-fire method of getting an idiot to do something is to forbid them to. So…the Doctor messed that one up. He gives up and puts about 3000 years between himself and the Idiot.

Once there, he gets distracted by the harp, allowing Random-now-grown-up-plot-significant-woman-who's-apparently-fallen-in-love-with-our-vampire to sneak up on him. She takes full advantage of the situation and pounces.

…Normally, when you're trying to bite someone and drink all their blood, don't you go for the neck? Hmmm? Well, neither of them listen to me because they aren't paying much attention to their surroundings. Madame Fish is the first to break away and run off. From his expression, she definitely won that encounter. He goes back to check that the Idiot hasn't done anything idiotic. And the likelihood of that is? …Not very high at all.

"I wish I could meet someone who wants to travel with me and _won't_ wander off," he mumbles to himself. Wish granted. Our Timelord stops dead and blinks several times to check that he's not seeing things. No…there really _is_ a horse standing in the middle of a corridor on this 51st century spaceship.

"Daddy!" the horse exclaims, in…horse-talk. (Which sadly doesn't get translated). And from now on, unless stated otherwise, the horse is following him around.

Rose and the Idiot discover some clues as to what's going on. But as they aren't Master Detectives, only Junior ones, they don't fully understand all the implications behind them.

The Master Detective himself (our vamperic hero) is trying to find his two-legged companions. While resolutely ignoring the four-legged one who won't leave him alone. Instead he finds a random French garden and decides to practise his stalking skills. Subtle. She so totally doesn't suspect a thing. …Yeah, right.

Rose has temporarily overcome the aura of idiocy around her and she's discovered something useful – another door to the 18th century. And when our alien appears, she finally gets his name right as she calls him 'Trouble'. She does too! I quote: 'Ah…here's Trouble!'.

To reward her, the Doctor shows her the horse and explains what's going on, in as far as he's worked it out. The moment is spoiled by the Idiot. And then further spoiled by the bad guys for this week: aka a random clock-bot. Our alien does what he does best (no, _NOT_ blowing everything up. Although, I agree, that is his number one skill) and he saves Random-in-love-with-the-Doctor-plot-significant-woman-who's-name-is-Reinette-Fish.

The horse is very annoyed at being left behind just coz he can't fit through the revolving mirror. One conversation with the enemy later and it teleports off. Our Timelord spots a way to keep the Idiot from ruining his fun and sends him off with Rose and the horse (whom he names!). In the meantime he once again proves how psychic he is as he reads Madame De Pompadour's mind. However, she's met this type of voodoo before and knows how it's done – so she turns the tables on him.

One wonders what he saw in her mind that he thought that she should've closed off. Was it actually a memory, or a fantasy? Involving him…?

Arthur the horse is clearly related to our vampire – he can't stand the Idiot and so is therefore _not_ going to be anywhere near him if it can be helped. Shame, Arthur might have stood a chance at fighting off the clock-bots. But as he's not there, Rose and Mickey-the-Idiot get knocked out and captured.

The Doctor is being dragged to a party against his better judgement. What's he worried about? He found out last series that he _can_ dance. It's about time he had a bit of fun for himself.

But him having a good time will always be interrupted by someone just needing to be rescued. And this is no exception – Rose and the Idiot have gotten themselves volunteered as organ donors and are strapped to operating tables. Rose gives him a lengthy introduction and he slightly jumps his cue; coming in before she's finished extolling his legend. Wouldn't you like your cat to drag in certain drunk, singing Timelord? I know I would.

One wonders how drunk the Doctor actually was at this point: if he was actually as off his face as he seemed then he did sober up pretty damn quickly. If he wasn't drunk at all, why was he pretending? Anyway, he sloshes his drink over the nearest clock-bot, turns off the others, and then frees the two humans. And only after that does he decide to fix his rather ridiculous appearance.

Rather worryingly, his preventative methods against the droids don't hold them for long and they have a bit of a head start on chasing after the key-plot-woman-at-a-specific-age.

They do manage to get there five years early though. Shame they can't just set up camp and wait. But no, all they can do is deliver a cryptic warning and then the Idiot shows her where they came from. Curious now, Madame Fish crosses over to listen to herself yelling to her angel. Thoroughly creeped out, she decides to wait a good five years before trying to cope with that.

But **_T_**rouble's got a problem: the clock-bots have been intelligent and resolved that they _really_ don't want a meddlesome vampire coming in and mucking up their evil plans. So they've locked him out. And since the Idiot doesn't have a handy truck in this episode, our hero can't get in there to save the day.

Madame-Fish-plot-related-French-woman-who-this-entire-episode-is-about does her thing and tries to prolong her death.

Cue dramatic pause in which galloping hooves are heard. They may not have a truck, but they _do_ have a very determined horse. The Doctor does his Zorro impression as he crashes the party on horseback. He then tells Louis XVI that, being the Lord of Time, he outranks a mere King of France. He saves the day by telling the clock-bots that there's really no point trying to fight any more, now that he's there.

They agree and shut themselves down because they realise the sacrifice that he made to stop them. He's trapped – he can't go back either

…no…wait, that's my _other_ fic.

Rose throws a tantrum once she discovers that he left her alone…with the Idiot. Yeah, she's got reason to be miffed.

Back in 1758, Reinette is debating with herself how long she can keep Mr. Last Surviving Alien of his Species with her for, before he realises that she's got a back exit to his own time. Yeah…not long. So he goes back to the future. He tries to get Madame Fish onto

'The (robots) Annoyingly (and) Randomly Divulge Interesting Stalking' _(This acronym came from firekid44, thank you!)_ for a visit. But, by a twist of fate and a loose connection, he's too late and she's snuffed it. She _did_ get the King of France to act as messenger boy though, so all is not lost.

Back on board the

'Terrific At Randomly Drifting In Space' _(Thank you, Kates Master. Your reviews are always appreciated!)_ and the Doctor has a bit of an angst moment. Rose could maybe cheer him up but she's been kidnapped by the Idiot and our vampire _definitely_ doesn't want to deal with that.

They dematerialise, revealing the whole reason that the ship was stalking Reinette. It's a shame that they never bothered looking behind that random blue box.

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Summary of the Synopsis: The Doctor saves the timeline but nearly gets trapped in the process. Mickey is a useless idiot and Rose doesn't let her Timelord keep the horse. Much to my disappointment.

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_All I can say is that I'm working on them ok? Reviews do speed up the writing process. Hint hint._

_More acronyms? More reviews? I know I'm greedy, but still!_

_Tai_


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